


Alone

by mysupernaturalobsessions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Castiel, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 02:00:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4545888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysupernaturalobsessions/pseuds/mysupernaturalobsessions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think I'm in love with you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Dean said it to Castiel’s back. The angel was walking away again, as usual. Dean didn’t know what else he expected, really. For his words to stop his angel from leaving? For Cas to love him back? Life didn’t work like that - not Dean Winchester’s life anyway.

Cas left.

And Dean let him go.

Sam had to drive back to the bunker after they checked out of their seedy motel. People safe, case closed. He wasn’t exactly sure what had happened with Dean and Cas between then and this morning. But Dean would hardly get out of bed and he wouldn’t eat or speak. He wouldn’t even drive.

Dean threw the keys at him. “Drive fast. I wanna make it back by midnight.”

They stopped once to eat, but Dean still wasn’t talking.

“Just leave it alone, Sam,” he said.

“This is about Cas, right?”

Dean shook his head, but it wasn’t a denial.

Back at the bunker the brothers threw themselves into research. Sam bit his tongue whenever he wanted to suggesting consulting Cas with something. Whatever was going on, Sam knew it wasn’t good. He started praying.

“Hey, Cas. I was hoping you could clear up what happened. I don’t understand and Dean is acting weird. Like weirder than usual. Come shed some light, okay?”

“Dean really needs you, man. He started drinking again and he’s angry all the time. I’m really worried. Just stop by.”

“Castiel,” Sam started getting desperate. His brother was a well-concealed wreck, but Sam could see the cracks. “I can’t believe you’d just leave him like this. He’s a mess man. I thought you cared about him, I thought…well, I don’t know what I thought. I expected something different, I guess.”

They kept hunting, they kept moving. Dean suggested they stay on the road between hunts. The bunker was starting to weigh on him, it wasn’t the home he’d wanted it to be.

Sam agreed easily enough. He probably just didn’t want to fight it - they’d been fighting all the time lately, except when Dean was ignoring him all together.

Dean sighed in his sleep. He kept having dreams of blue eyes and big, black wings flying back to him. In his dreams he was embraced, loved. And then he woke up alone.

It hurt like a bitch.

He had lost his edge and his fight. He knew it before he entered the warehouse. Maybe that was why he told Sam to split up outside.

He was outnumbered. But maybe he’d survive. He moved slowly, silent. A dark figure approached him with the wrong shade of blue eyes. The monster smiled. Dean tried to lure the creature forward, with a false sense of security, and then he lunged.

The blue-eyed monster was gone. 

In the next instant there were three at his back. He was on his knees and a crushing pain burst through his chest. Something had stabbed him. Oh, God, he didn’t want to die. 

A sickening crunching sound grated against his skull. More pain, and he saw white. He was dying, dreaming of blue eyes and slender fingers and a white light.

“Castiel!” He screamed, though it was probably only in his head.

He was dreaming again. A human Castiel killed the four monsters with speed and accuracy, cracked their necks like they were made of twigs. Then he ran over to Dean who was crumpled on the floor. Dean stared up at his blue eyes until he passed out.

When he woke up in the bunker he was alone. But he could hear voices just outside his door.

“He called for me,” Castiel’s low voice grumbled. 

“Yeah, well, he’s needed you for weeks now and you weren’t here. Where’d you go, Cas? What the hell happened?”

“This is between your brother and I, Sam. Leave it alone.”

Sam laughed humorlessly. “Leave it alone? You know, that’s exactly what Dean said. But apparently the two of you suck at handling this alone. Dean almost got himself killed!”

And then there were footsteps, too loud to be angelic, moving away. Dean stared at the door and waited. Just when he started to consider that maybe Cas had flapped off again, the door swung open. Cas stepped inside, not seeming to notice that Dean was staring at him. 

“Heya, Cas,” Dean croaked. His throat felt terrible. 

Cas’s eyes snapped up, half hopeful and half fearful. He rushed to the bedside. “Dean, you’re awake.” He straightened up, seemed to come back to himself. He glanced at the door. “Let me go tell Sam.”

Dean grabbed the sleeve of Cas’s trench coat. “No, Cas, wait. Just let him cool off a while. Just, stay with me.” 

Cas nodded and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. “You heard us, then?”

“A little bit,” Dean shrugged.

“I apologize for not coming to check in sooner.”

Dean stared, eyes hard and unflinching. “Why did you leave?”

“You didn’t ask me to stay,” Cas said. He sounded vaguely confused. 

“Right.” 

“You said,” Cas started, scrunching his eyes in concentration. “You said, what you said, and I knew it wouldn’t change anything.”

“Fine.”

Cas stood up hastily. He glowered down at Dean who was still spread out on the bed. He felt helpless. He glared back at Cas as best he could. 

“Why are you angry?” Castiel demanded. “You need this from me, too? When I’ve already given everything else? Of course I love you, you faux-arrogant, self-deprecating man.”

Dean smiled, but it quickly slipped away when Cas started to move away again, toward the open bedroom door. “Cas…”

“No, Dean! I’m not going to wait around for you to kick me out again. Or to change your mind and move on. Because I will never move on. There is no one else for me. Don’t you see? And you can’t ask me to love you…or be loved by you when I always end up alone. I couldn’t bear it.”

He walked purposefully to the door, and Dean knew this time if he let him leave the angel was never coming back. He would save him, sure, but he would never be here again like this. 

“Cas, I love you,” he said and it felt like de ja vu, so he rewrote the ending. “Please, stay. I love you and I need you to stay here, to be here when I wake up, and to let me take care of you for once. Let me. Please.”

“For how long?” Cas said to the empty hallway.

Dean shrugged, desperation still fighting at him. He was never good at this, words and love and expression.

“Forever,” he mumbled. His eyebrows were furrowed when Cas turned around, astonished, to stare at him. But the truth of his words shone through in his eyes. He smiled at Cas, a question in his expression. “I want to love you forever, man.”

So Cas came back. 

And Dean kissed him.


End file.
